Thoughts of 17th July 2013

I was the happiest girl in the world.
I felt safe and secure. Now I'm full of insecurity, anxiety and pain.
I used to say "Everbody wants him, and I probably get him!"
I remember the time when he first kissed me. How I was awake the whole night because I couldn't sleep for the simple reason that I was just too happy.
I remember that I had these lucky moments for the very first time in my life. Moments where I felt loved.
I remember the way he said I Love You. Then he held me in his arms, as long as he could, kissed me on my forehead and took my hand.
Minutes passed and I had to go. Slowly, and softly our hands floated apart.
For the last time. 
I entered the house and I was lonely again.
I never wanted this to end, I really wished that this time it'll be for real.
But I knew, that it was just for a short time. I knew that I don't deserve to be loved this way. And especially not from this boy.
But well.. Nevertheless I do love him and I will wait.
I will endure the pain until the end. Because to me, he means everything.
He's my everything. Without him I got nothing.

I'm sorry for not writing crap about my weight today, but I'm just so down and fed up with almost everything just because of M.
I freakin miss him and just wish to lie next to him again. Just like it was...